The 2016 NESCAC All-Hair Team

Editor’s Note: The quotes in this article were created for comedic effect – those who are “quoted” were not actually interviewed for this article. If you have a problem with any of the quotes, please reach out to us at nothingbutnescac@gmail.com and we will fix it. Enjoy!

Guys, I’m sorry.

I know it’s been weeks since I posted my last article and all my readers have grown restless. The truth is that in an effort to not disappoint my parents any more than I already have, I’ve really been making an attempt to focus on academics and graduate (on time). Hopefully you all can forgive me after reading this…

HONORABLE MENTION

With only 10 slots available on the All-NESCAC Hair Team, it was inevitable that a few worthy contestants would not make the list. Here are the guys who narrowly missed the cut…  

Willie Holmquist, Tufts and Robert Morris, Hamilton

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now by no means did these two “narrowly miss the cut” on the All-Hair Team, but let’s be honest, their mustaches are so bad they’re actually great, which demands recognition. Willie Holmquist and Robert Morris look like they should be co-starring in a 1980’s adult film entitled, “The Naughty Kickers.”

Kevin Sheehan, Amherst

Maybe I’m biased because I have as much facial hair as a newborn child, but Kevin Sheehan’s mug shot is incredible. It’s not all about the flow here at Nothing But Nescac.

 

 

 

Bryan Viera, Trinity and Sean Rose, Hamilton

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bryan and Sean are both rocking “the mop.” Word on the street is that after crazy Saturday nights at Trinity and Hamilton, these two dunk their heads in cleaning solution and selflessly offer to wipe down the basement floor.

THE ALL-NESCAC Hair Team

#10.) Max Wilson, Bowdoin

Coming in at number 10 on the All-NESCAC Hair Team is Max Wilson from the poverty stricken streets of New Canaan, Connecticut. Max is sporting some blue collar, workmanlike flow here that is synonymous with Fairfield County. (Note: I was Max’s host when he came on his recruiting trip to Tufts…clearly I did an awful job seeing that he’s at Bowdoin)

#9) Nick Sobczyk, Hamilton

Not only does Nick have some tremendous Tim Riggins-esque locks, but judging from this gem of a headshot, I’m also gonna say that he’s the most intelligent kid on the Hamilton roster. Luscious locks here, 5-1.

 

 

 

#8) Chuck Calabrese, Tufts

Chuck Calabrese is a kid that knows he’s good-looking. “Breezy” as he is known to his friends and family, credits the success of his mane to a daily ritual of showering for ten minutes with pure grease. “That’s what keeps it straight, bro” said Calabrese in his own words.

 

 

#7) Brandon Williams, Bates

We had a few guys try their hand at this look, but Brandon Williams was the best of the best. Williams is sporting a hybrid flat top that is a combination of James “Boobie” Miles and Gerald from Hey Arnold! Hats off to you Brandon, you nailed it (and I also don’t know if that hair would fit under a hat).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#6) Braden Wilson, Colby

Braden Wilson of Colby is a man’s man. A guy who couldn’t care less what you think, Braden probably spends his days in Waterville eating red meat for breakfast lunch and dinner. You gotta think Braden’s mom is begging him to cut his hair so “we can have at least one nice picture to send to Grandma,” but you’ve got a better chance of censoring Donald Trump than you do taming this wild stallion.

#5) Kyle Horihan, Williams

The pretty boy of the group, what Kyle lacks in natural talent, he more than makes up for in effort and attention to detail. Whereas most kids are off eating pizza and drinking soda, Kyle has gone to an all-natural vegan diet ensured to promote hair growth and longevity. Hornihan also pays weekly visits to Salon 290 in Williamstown, MA to ensure that his perm is at its “maximum fullness.”

#4) Micah Adickes, Tufts

The kid just has a great head of hair, that’s all there is to it.

 

 

 

#3) Jameson Law, Trinity

 

Much like his hero and role model, Fabio, Jameson Law never asked for beautiful hair. “It’s truly a gift from God,” said Jameson’s father. “Some kids are blessed with size, others with speed. My son was blessed with remarkable hair.” What’s truly shocking is that while Jameson is #3 on our All-Nescac Hair Team, his father says he might not even have the best hair in his own family. “We have an eight year old son named Guinness,” Mr. Law (probably) said chuckling. “When it’s all said and done, he might have the greatest hair of all time.”

#2) Kent Blaeser, Williams

For the second year in a row, Kent Blaeser, narrowly missed taking the All-Hair Team title. But according to last year’s winner and this year’s runner-up, being a frequent member of the All-NESCAC hair team definitely presents its challenges. “It might sound like fun to have hundreds of girls chasing after you,” Blaeser explained, “but after a while, it really begins to take its toll.” It’s clear that Kent Blaesers extraordinary hair is a blessing and a curse.

#1) Hunter Voegele, Amherst

Folks, let me introduce you to a guy by the name of Hunter Voegele. Hunter is the hottest thing to hit Amherst College since the student body decided that Frosted Flakes were socially insensitive to tigers. His combination of fiery red hair and flowing locks make him #1 on this year’s All-NESCAC Hair Team. Congrats Hunter, you’ve earned it.