It’s been a great start to the MLB season. The Red Sox are unbelievable, dominating the Yankees on the field and in a Fenway Park WWE fight. Baseball brawls are essential to the baseball identity. In no other sport do you have an individual with a wooden weapon or people hauling in from the other end of the playing field. In this edition of my weekend update, I’m going to compare two teams, one from the east and another from the west, to see who would hypothetically win in a bench clearing brawl. While we know this isn’t as informative as a normal weekend preview, the weather brought all of the games into question (Midd v. Amherst was moved to May 4th and 5th), so we wanted to mix it up in the wake of some angry behavior in MLB games (Red Sox vs. Yankees; Padres vs. Rockies).
Let’s start out with the east:
The Colby Mules wouldn’t be your first guess on a team who would be interested to brawl. Mainers are such down to earth, empathetic people. But let’s not forget about the swagger the Mules possess.
The first attribute that the Mules possess that could give them an edge in any fight is their roster pictures–particularly their facial hair. These guys are scary. Cameron Garfield looks like Billy the Kid on his way to rob a train in the Wild West. Let’s just say the next time I’m on the T, I’m not sitting anywhere near Garfield. He would probably whip out a weapon, and ask me how much gold I have. He’s clearly reached his peak as a freshman in the facial hair department; I don’t see how he could one up his roster picture. In all seriousness, Colby has a big weekend coming up. Their pitching has been solid with a 3.96 ERA in conference. Their hitting, on the other hand, isn’t helping out the pitching staff. A .228 average in conference won’t win any ball games, no matter who’s on the bump.
Another guy’s facial hair that has evolved over the years is junior pitcher Will Cohen. I’m not giving him airtime because he’s a former teammate and friend, but I actually respect his facial hair. It’s well trimmed, which is a major improvement from his freshman year photo. Unlike Garfield’s roster picture, Cohen’s freshman year picture makes me slightly nauseous (the picture can’t be found, the college took it down due to complaints). Cohen came into Colby as a freshman, and contributed to the cause. He pitched five scoreless innings in 2015 against the potent Tufts Jumbo offense. He hasn’t really been the same since. As a pitcher who relies on masterful control, he hasn’t been able to locate quite the same as before.
The Mules dropped two out of three against Bates last weekend, which is concerning because the Mules clearly have the talent advantage. Trinity won’t be an easier opponent to face this weekend, but if the Mules can right the ship by taking two out of three, they’ll find themselves in the playoff hunt. Right now, they just need to figure it out at the plate.
If not, I definitely think they can intimidate opponents in a bench clearing brawl. Cohen and Garfield will lead the charge in the fight.
The West:
I have to pick Wesleyan. I’ve only seen Wesleyan’s games live, so I don’t pretend to have a feel for the entire NESCAC’s character. However, the Birds definitely have the swagger right now with a 3-0 conference record that could help them win a fight. Let’s see why:
We have to start off with Ryan Earle and Chase Pratt. These guys are thick and bulky. I’m sure they could put up thirty plus reps of two plates on the bench, and be pictured chopping wood on the cover of a Carhartt magazine with husky jackets and their yellow labs. These guys are also mashing at the plate. As big guys, they’re incredibly short to the ball which allows them to barrel up inside fastballs. They use the whole field, which shows how well they’re seeing and timing up the baseball. Both are hitting well in the .300’s with low strikeout numbers. That says a lot for big, powerful guys. These bash bros are like Chad and JT advocating for southern California house parties: they have swagger, confidence, and are the power of the Wesleyan lineup. But of course, two guys can’t beat twenty other guys in the fight. Kevin Walek, Wesleyan’s shortstop, is their version of Baker Mayfield on the diamond. He wears a red bandanna, and blares Straight Outta Compton as his walkup song. He hits towards the bottom of the lineup, but has been an important piece towards Wesleyan’s success. He hit .600 last weekend against Middlebury, and plays stellar defense shortstop.
Wesleyan dominated Middlebury last weekend in all aspects of the game; it was quite obvious as a spectator that Wesleyan had the emotional edge. Any foul ball to the backstop was corralled by Nick ‘Val’ Valicenti. Obviously, there’s no stat in the book that illustrates hustle. Val’s not an everyday player, but his hustle on each foul ball is indicative and is a microcosm of the Wesleyan baseball team: they’re gritty.
This grit is apparent in close games. In game one against Middlebury, they edged out a win by scoring their only run on a walk. They fought and clawed for that win, which gave them the momentum for the rest of the series.
In a non-league game on Wednesday, freshman pitcher and #4 on NBN best roster pictures took a line drive straight to the dome. The play stopped, and the whole squad was genuinely concerned for Reddy. Taking line drives to the head builds character that helps in a bench clearing brawl.
Kidding aside, Wesleyan needs to bring that same character, energy, and swag into their games against Hamilton this weekend. If they keep an emotional edge, given their superior talent, the Continentals will be on their heels all weekend.
In conclusion, if Cameron Garfield and Will Cohen came toe to toe with Ryan Earle and Chase Pratt in a bar, I would be intimidated by the rocking facial hair of the Mules. However, the Mules would run away when the clean version of Straight Outta Compton came on, and 160 pound Kevin Walek from Minnesota walked out with his bandana on. Yeah, sportsmanship is cool and all, but who doesn’t love watching a good fight?