NESCAC football season has always been a very special time for me. As a kid I spent many wonderful Saturday afternoons sprinting around Alumni Field in Middlebury, playing touch football with older kids on the hill overlooking the end zones, and then hiding in the bushes from those same older kids when they wanted to use my head as the football. My friend Kenton and I would spend the entire game in those bushes sometimes, having layered, intense debates over issues like “Do football players wear pads, or are their shoulders just really big?” My dad, my constant (if not vigilant) guardian at these games, was and is still always encamped at the foot of the press box, entertaining whoever stopped to say hello. And once in a while he would glance around and ask his friend, “Hey, have you seen Pete?”
As I began to grow up, for lack of a better term, the games themselves became interesting. It was Donnie McKillop’s laser of an arm that first enthralled me, and I was lucky enough to move right from his illustrious career to McCallum Foote’s even more historic (though I will always argue less entertaining) run. I got to witness some great Panther football and, I came to realize, some great football from the other NESCAC teams as well while I grew as a sports fan. So, as I looked everywhere I could for an article to write to kick off my 2015-2016 Nothing but NESCAC season, I thought it would be fun to do a top-three NESCAC Football Teams of my life as a developed sports fan, which I will count as roughly 2005 to 2015.
A wise man once said, “Without rules, society would fall into chaos.” It seems to me that society could get used to some of that, but no one would call me a wise man, so there we go. Anyway, here are the ground rules for the top three:
- Only one representative for each team. This rule is basically in place to make sure that I don’t pick all of Donnie McKillop’s seasons at Middlebury, but it makes sense to me to have a little diversity here. NESCAC football has not been a diverse place over the last 10 years; the same four teams win all the time. And as a globally-conscious citizen, I consider it my duty to do my part to bring diversity to NESCAC as a whole. One love, y’all.
- A team doesn’t have to win the league to get picked. Now I’m not a man prone to hyperbole, but the NESCAC football system for deciding a champion is literally the worst thing in the history of America other than Donald Trump and orange juice without pulp. It doesn’t feel right to me to follow such a tragically inept system, and watching crime shows has taught me to follow my gut.
- No Amherst teams allowed.
And now here’s the list. As always, if you have any complaints with the rankings feel free to send an angry yet eloquent e-mail to Joe or Adam (NothingbutNESCAC@gmail.com). Also, because I’m currently in a class on TV culture and we just talked about Friday Night Lights in class, I will be ranking the teams based on the three best characters on the show. In descending order, the list will go from Matt Saracen, the allegorical representation for Jesus (think about it for a bit) himself, to Coach Eric Taylor to Big Tim Riggins, the hunkiest fullback in TV history.
3. Matt Saracen: Amherst 2011 (8-0, Average Scoring Margin: +17.25)
Did all the Amherst people angrily storm off after rule number three? Did they throw their glasses of aged scotch on the ground and go for a calming walk in their petunia gardens? Good, because this team was filthy. They were a fantastic defensive team, giving up only 12.0 points per game. Defensive end Kevin Ferber ’12 led the league in tackles for loss with 15, and set a program record for sacks with 11. They were also dangerous on the other side of the ball, with running back Eric Bunker ’12 taking home Offensive POY honors. Their closest game was a 35-28 win over Trinity in which the Jeffs held a 35-7 lead at one point. A deadly team on both sides of the ball, the 2011 Lord Jeffs lose out on higher honors only due to the dominance of the first two teams, and because of that part in season two where Matt won’t help Landry get Reyes in trouble for beating up their friend because he’s worried about what the team will think (don’t worry if that made no sense to you). Not a good look for Matt, and not a good look for the Lord Jeffs either.
2. Coach Taylor: Williams 2006 (8-0, Average Scoring Margin: 25.25)
Williams’ College quarterback Pat Lucey ’08 put on his leather jacket, lit up a Marlboro and left the diner. A pretty redheaded waitress looked longingly at him as he left: he hadn’t paid his check, but she was certainly not going to hassle him. He had watched those conniving SOB’s over at Trinity turn the NESCAC football scene into their goddamn practice field for three years now, and he was damn sick of it. The whole league was, and they looked to him as a savior. Trouble was, he fancied himself a drifter. He didn’t like staying in one place long enough to be held responsible for things, that was why he’d left Beth alone in Bozeman all those years ago. But he sure was in deep now, and in Week 2, the Bantams would be coming to town for a good ol’ fashioned shootout. He would be ready, because he had to be.
**fade to black, voiceover comes in **
“In theaters this summer, Jake Gyllenhaal stars in …“THE GUNSLINGER”.
Williams quickly established themselves as the new top dawgs in the ‘CAC, dispatching the Bantams 41-16 on their way to an undefeated season. Led by Offensive POY Patrick Lucey at quarterback, the Ephs outscored their opponents by an average of 25 points per game, and swept their way through the playoffs to earn a legitimate trophy … oh wait.
- Tim Riggins: Trinity 2005 (8-0, Average Margin of Victory: 28.25)
The final and most dominant team of Trinity’s three-peat from 2003-2005, the Bantams in 2005 remind of my childhood friend Charlie. Let me explain. Charlie was the only one of my friends who had a Gamecube AND Madden, so naturally I basically camped outside of his house. I, being a naïve young man, failed to notice that whenever we played, Charlie would be playing with a team that had every Pro Bowl player on it. The final score would be something like 86-6, and he would act all apologetic and nice about it. “Oh I got lucky,” “Oh the wind was on my side, good thing I won the coin toss.” The Bantams outscored their opponents in 2005 by and average score of about 35-5, and if you leave out the game against Amherst in which they gave up 20 points, Trinity only gave up 16 points ALL YEAR. They had five defensive players on the First Team, including Defensive POY Michael Blair ’06, and had games with scores like 47-0 (Bates) 58-0 (Hamilton) and 63-7 (Wesleyan). So congratulations to the Bantams, and screw you Charlie, we’re playing again this summer and I’m gonna kick your ass.
So there we have it. It’s been a great stretch of football in NESCAC, but again not very diverse, with Middlebury, Amherst, Trinity and Williams either winning or finishing second every year. However, last year Wesleyan was the runner-up in the league, and one has to expect that NESCAC football is soon due for an explosion of talent throughout the league, as we have seen in basketball in the last couple of years. One thing is for sure though. Whether that happens or not, you’ll find me watching the Panthers take on those teams on Saturdays at Alumni field. Maybe not in the bushes though. I’m one of the big kids now.